For my senior year and half my junior year of high school I attended a boarding school in western Massachusetts. My parents made the decision to send me to another school outside my “regular environment” so that I could succeed—do better in school and get away from the crowd of people I hung out with. Until that point, I had been involved in taking drugs, dating a boy who dealt drugs, and failing classes in school. On top of that, the previously strong relationship I’d had with my family members, especially with my mom, had begun to disintegrate due to a lack of trust and communication. I suppressed emotions at all times, and didn’t know how to express myself in a healthy or effective way. My family was worried about me. After meeting with an education consultant, and with a hesitant agreement from me, my parents chose a school in Cummington, Massachusetts that focused on adolescents like me who needed direction, focus, support, and discipline in their lives.
My mother, father and I visited the school a few months before I enrolled. It was love at first sight for me—New England was gorgeous, the people at the school were friendly, outgoing and genuine. The dorms were beautiful. Most importantly, the idea of “starting over” at a new school with new friends and a new atmosphere was the thing that attracted me to this school the most. Little did I know that the 17 months that lay ahead of me would be such an emotional rollercoaster…
The morning of September 6, 2002 was the last day of my life as a reckless, direction-less, failing teenager. My parents, little sister and I said our good-byes at the door of the lobby. I didn’t know at that moment, standing there that warm autumn day, that I faced most difficult seven months of my entire life. The program I was attending wouldn’t allow me to see my parents for four months, and my sisters another three after that.
I cleaned up my act at that school, but it was not easy. Coming away from an environment full of freedoms into an environment where I was powerless and completely out of control of my own life had ever-lasting effects on me. I was living without the comforts from home such as dressing the way I wanted to dress, driving privileges and the ability to communicate with my family or friends from home. Quitting cigarettes and drugs made me gain weight, and with the combination of strict dress code and bans on make-up, it was quite a switch for me!
I felt broken down for the first seven months I was at school. I hadn’t seen my sister, Cheryl (who is my best friend in the world), and I missed my parents and friends. The lifestyle adjustment never ceased being difficult and school was a struggle at first. I resisted my counselors and teachers, and even other students who wanted to help me feel accustomed there. For the first and only time in my life I had to be both physically restrained from hitting someone and punished for cursing out an adult other than my parents. My emotional reactions were extremely intense and inappropriate, but they were this way only while I attended this school—all my comforts had been taken away from me and broke me down so I had no way of calmly or rationally react to some situations. The reason I was so aggressive here was because I had no control over my life. I reacted in a way that was extremely closed-off and resistant to any help that was being offered.
The day finally came when I could see my sister for the first time since the day my family left me in the lobby of the school seven months earlier. When I saw her I ran and hugged her, and wanted to never let go. She had grown, and looked so different! It was so great to see her but it reminded me of all I’d been missing out on while I was here in Massachusetts, cleaning up the mess I’d made of my life.
When I saw Cheryl that day, I felt like my life was complete again and that it all made sense. All that I had been through was suddenly put into perspective, and I felt like I could attain any goals I wanted or needed to achieve because I knew she was there waiting on the other side for me. I was reminded at that point that that my life wasn’t a mess after all, it was just broken down and needed to be built back up. I wasn’t in trouble, I just had people in my life who cared about me and wanted me to succeed.
The following nine months were easier—I don’t know if it was the family visit that re-energized me or a feeling within myself that made me suddenly want to change, but it got easier for me. I stepped up as a leader in the school, I showed more respect towards my peers and counselors, set goals towards mending my family relationships, worked towards disposing of the toxic relationships back at home, and for the first time had a desire to be clean and sober.
I am not perfect but I do consider myself a success story. I went through a time in my life where I was hurting myself without even knowing it, then went through a year and a half period where I broke down and had to build myself up again without the help or influence of my family or friends. And, I did it. I pride myself in the strength it took me to overcome that difficult time in my life.
When I look at pictures of the school, or see pictures of my friends from that school, I can’t help but feel a tug at my heart or a little pang in my belly because of the love and the pain I felt during that time in my life. I wish I had access to more digital pictures from this experience that I could upload here, but I can’t access them at this time. The picture included is a picture that truly tugs at my heart strings and gives me that pang in my stomach because it reminds me of that time period that changed almost everything in my life, from relationships to academics.
When I look at a picture of trees losing their leaves, or a picture of autumn in New England, I get a feeling in my stomach that is very warm and cozy but makes me sick at the same time. The fall is so symbolic of change, and I walked into the building the first time in early autumn. I went through so many changes at that school, that when I walk outside on a crisp fall day that’s the first thing I think about. When I see a picture like one I just described, I feel the same way. Not one day has gone by in the 3 ½ years since I’ve graduated that I haven’t thought about my school or my friends that I left there. The emotional reaction to the fall season or a picture of something that reminds me of the changes I went through at that school are an emotional mix of sadness and happiness, pain and love, dying and rebirth, failure and achievement.
My mother, father and I visited the school a few months before I enrolled. It was love at first sight for me—New England was gorgeous, the people at the school were friendly, outgoing and genuine. The dorms were beautiful. Most importantly, the idea of “starting over” at a new school with new friends and a new atmosphere was the thing that attracted me to this school the most. Little did I know that the 17 months that lay ahead of me would be such an emotional rollercoaster…
The morning of September 6, 2002 was the last day of my life as a reckless, direction-less, failing teenager. My parents, little sister and I said our good-byes at the door of the lobby. I didn’t know at that moment, standing there that warm autumn day, that I faced most difficult seven months of my entire life. The program I was attending wouldn’t allow me to see my parents for four months, and my sisters another three after that.
I cleaned up my act at that school, but it was not easy. Coming away from an environment full of freedoms into an environment where I was powerless and completely out of control of my own life had ever-lasting effects on me. I was living without the comforts from home such as dressing the way I wanted to dress, driving privileges and the ability to communicate with my family or friends from home. Quitting cigarettes and drugs made me gain weight, and with the combination of strict dress code and bans on make-up, it was quite a switch for me!
I felt broken down for the first seven months I was at school. I hadn’t seen my sister, Cheryl (who is my best friend in the world), and I missed my parents and friends. The lifestyle adjustment never ceased being difficult and school was a struggle at first. I resisted my counselors and teachers, and even other students who wanted to help me feel accustomed there. For the first and only time in my life I had to be both physically restrained from hitting someone and punished for cursing out an adult other than my parents. My emotional reactions were extremely intense and inappropriate, but they were this way only while I attended this school—all my comforts had been taken away from me and broke me down so I had no way of calmly or rationally react to some situations. The reason I was so aggressive here was because I had no control over my life. I reacted in a way that was extremely closed-off and resistant to any help that was being offered.
The day finally came when I could see my sister for the first time since the day my family left me in the lobby of the school seven months earlier. When I saw her I ran and hugged her, and wanted to never let go. She had grown, and looked so different! It was so great to see her but it reminded me of all I’d been missing out on while I was here in Massachusetts, cleaning up the mess I’d made of my life.
When I saw Cheryl that day, I felt like my life was complete again and that it all made sense. All that I had been through was suddenly put into perspective, and I felt like I could attain any goals I wanted or needed to achieve because I knew she was there waiting on the other side for me. I was reminded at that point that that my life wasn’t a mess after all, it was just broken down and needed to be built back up. I wasn’t in trouble, I just had people in my life who cared about me and wanted me to succeed.
The following nine months were easier—I don’t know if it was the family visit that re-energized me or a feeling within myself that made me suddenly want to change, but it got easier for me. I stepped up as a leader in the school, I showed more respect towards my peers and counselors, set goals towards mending my family relationships, worked towards disposing of the toxic relationships back at home, and for the first time had a desire to be clean and sober.
I am not perfect but I do consider myself a success story. I went through a time in my life where I was hurting myself without even knowing it, then went through a year and a half period where I broke down and had to build myself up again without the help or influence of my family or friends. And, I did it. I pride myself in the strength it took me to overcome that difficult time in my life.
When I look at pictures of the school, or see pictures of my friends from that school, I can’t help but feel a tug at my heart or a little pang in my belly because of the love and the pain I felt during that time in my life. I wish I had access to more digital pictures from this experience that I could upload here, but I can’t access them at this time. The picture included is a picture that truly tugs at my heart strings and gives me that pang in my stomach because it reminds me of that time period that changed almost everything in my life, from relationships to academics.
When I look at a picture of trees losing their leaves, or a picture of autumn in New England, I get a feeling in my stomach that is very warm and cozy but makes me sick at the same time. The fall is so symbolic of change, and I walked into the building the first time in early autumn. I went through so many changes at that school, that when I walk outside on a crisp fall day that’s the first thing I think about. When I see a picture like one I just described, I feel the same way. Not one day has gone by in the 3 ½ years since I’ve graduated that I haven’t thought about my school or my friends that I left there. The emotional reaction to the fall season or a picture of something that reminds me of the changes I went through at that school are an emotional mix of sadness and happiness, pain and love, dying and rebirth, failure and achievement.
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